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Nigerian Muslims embrace Allah, all things ugly

LAGOS, Nigeria–On Thursday, Nigerian Muslims violently condemned the Miss World pageant scheduled for 7 December in Nigeria’s capital city, Abuja.  The pageant, they claim, promotes sexual promiscuity and indecency, and Allah isn’t into that.  “Down with beauty,” they chanted.  Ugly old Allah would prefer a good riot any day.


And riot they did.


Mobs of angry Muslims took to the streets shouting, “God is great.”  To prove it, they stabbed, beat, and set fire to random passers-by, burned churches and offices, and rampaged through the city.  In all, over 200 people were killed and another 200 injured.  “Miss World is sin,” they reminded onlookers.


The outrage began when a Kaduna newspaper published an article questioning the validity of Miss World criticism.  “What would Muhammad think?  In all honesty, he would probably have chosen a wife from among them [the contestants],” wrote reporter Isioma Daniel.


But Mr. Daniel, Muhammad didn’t think.


Fortunately, Nigerian President Olusegun Obasanjo was able to clearly identify the root cause of the rioting.  “The beauty queens should not feel that they are the cause of this violence,” he said.  “It could happen at any time irresponsible journalism is committed against Islam.” 


Daniel and his editor have since been arrested, but Muhammad is still on the loose.


Sources close to Allah suggest that he is just upset because Miss Israel is a dish.

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