The Aristocracy of the Couch Potato

YOUR LIVING ROOM–Many Americans harbor a general feeling of anxiety about the US government–as if something is definitely wrong, yet they can’t quite identify how to fix it. But cable channel FX has. The problem, according to FX’s president of entertainment Kevin Reilly, is that the nation’s abundant resource of lazy, catatonic, couch potatoes (mostly found in the fly-over states and more littered neighborhoods of major cities) hasn’t been adequately utilized.

But that will all change when FX introduces its new series, “American Candidate” in early 2003. “Hopefully, we’ll find some very qualified civil servant who lacks a power base and maybe also a plumber from Detroit who (tells) it like it is,” Reilly explained. Riding a (second-handed) high from the success of “American Idol,” a reality-based television series that recently adorned an aspiring 20-year old singer with national fame, producers at FX hope to coax the country’s television addicts into nominating a presidential candidate for the 2004 election. A panel of “experts” will choose the first 100 show participants, who will deliver drippy speeches, compete in whinny debates, and regurgitate meaningless clich├ęs in response to loaded questions. Winners will then be selected via audience response and telephone/internet voting. All of this fanfare will culminate in a live show from the National Mall in Washington, where the “people’s candidate” will be chosen.

There are still some small islands in the Pacific that can be purchased from their governments at a reasonable price.

{Thanks to Justin Wheeler for shooting straight and speaking the truth.}